1. These obstacles are challenging, and as such, there is a real possibility of injury.  Know your limits, push your limits, but please do not grossly exceed your limits.  Injuries to anyone is a big bummer to everyone involved.
  2. Do NOT put your self in danger.  If you do not want to do an obstacle, then don’t.  This is first and foremost intended to be a fun challenge to push yourself.   Of course for the competitive group, we will have to assess a time penalty, but that is better than the alternative.


  1. You must stay with your team.  Your entire team begins each obstacle together. (Forever known as the Tyler McMichael Rule).
  2. For competitive, any ruling made my court monitors regarding completion of an obstacle is FINAL.  No arguing, no point.
  3. Specific rules for some obstacles are detailed below.
Obstacles are subject to change without notice.


Whiskey River (aka Tire Tumbling) (lap 1 only)


Every year, this is what starts off the show. It tends to separate the contenders from the pretenders. If you didn’t do a little warm up before, this tends to get the heartrate up. Flip the tires end over end (no rolling) down and back.  Yep you have to bring em back cause I am too lazy to put em back for the next group.




This is a great test to see if you would make it back to America from Mexico if Trump is elected. Don’t worry, we aren’t checking citizenship.


Mt. Saint Balen


High in the mountains outside of Burden, there is a peak with no equal. Some locals call it ‘onchaba chaha’ others call it Mt. Saint Balen.




‘Did you f***ing f*** Ray?’ Yes, that was the last good movie from Tom Cruise, but it also inspired our first mental challenge to the BH5K.

First lap:
Each team member must be pulled to the top of the pulley.

Second lap:
A team must pull member up the pulley to memorize a series of numbers. After the team member comes down they must fill out a sheet with the correct sequence. Didn’t remember them all? The team members MUST rotate through each time they go up the pulley. Keep going till you get them all.Oh yea, and just so you know, last time we tried the pulleys, well we about lost a finger, and we had someone dangling upside down 15 ft in the air. I’m too stupid to make is safe, plus it entertains me. Be careful.




Muster up your best Paul Bunyan. Teams must carry logs over, under, and through different obstacles.

Survivors, just get through it.

Competitive, don’t let the log touch the ground, or you have to start this one over.


Carny Delight


We wanted to see how much Neanderthal you have left, but it turns out we can’t throw spears at cats (this year), so this is the next best thing.Your team gets 1 ball. You keep throwing the ball till knock everything down. Your team MUST rotate through your team members until you have knocked down all the jugs. Yes this is a stupid carnival game, and YES you have to do it.



Green Mile


We were going to call this one LandRush, but decided that was a really, really, really lame name for pretty much anything, let alone a stroll through the countryside. So we named it after a giant black guy who was electrocuted for a crime he didn’t commit.

During the Green Mile enjoy the beautiful countryside with this stroll through real Kansas farm ground.
I probably shouldn’t mention we found a snake pit on the trail, but I won’t tell you where so I wouldn’t worry much, there is safety in numbers.

Also, if you want a gentle warm-up prior to BigHead try this out LandRush


The Quarry

Soooo, this is the deal. My brother-in-law David says ‘I got some ideas for obstacles, I’m gonna drag in that s*** from Mike Smiths.’ And, well, he did. Turns out to some sort of giant rock filtering device,… 3 of them. Still pondering the best way to use this, but it BIG, it is f***ing SCARY, and I guarantee you, the handful of people that make it through it without injury are going to LOVE it.


Buckets of BS

Although not the most original, this is a age-old staple of suck. You have tank full of water, and a few buckets. You have to fill up a 50 gallon barrel to the top, dump it in the mud pit, replace the barrel, then move on. Sounds easy, but it’s pretty tough.



The name ‘Mud Pit’ was boring, and besides the ‘dirt’ we hauled in was from cattle pens. It is not a requirement, but you might check your shot records. You have drudge through the mud, over the pipe, continue through the mud, then come back through the pipe, and you are free to go. Strap on your shades, we found 5 pair last year, them Oakley’s are nice.


Barrels of Fun


We took two classic training exercises and combined them. The human wheelbarrow and a crapload of tires.

Survivor – Every member of your team must be the wheelbarrow one time for the entire race.

Competitive – Every member of your team must be the wheelbarrow EACH lap. If you have fewer than 4 people, sucks for you, each team MUST go through this 4 times each lap.


Pipe Dreams

Big Pipes, crawl through em.


Cornfed Johnson


I don’t know why I called it this. But I liked the name. It reminds me of drinking tremendous amounts of beer at K-State, and, well, so does this obstacle. David and I will be watching y’all while drinking copious amounts of beer. This is a conglomeration bales, logs, I-Beams, pipe &c. It back from last year, if I remember correctly, the arm walk on the wobbly pipe burned up a few triceps.

Survivors: Get through it any way you can.

Competitive: No help from your teammates this year, if your feet touch the ground anywhere along the obstacle, you have to go back to the beginning of Cornfed. You have 3 attempts to finish it.


We stole it, it is just some chilly water, it will probably feel good. You’re catching a break on this one.


Mr. Wally

This is our attempt at a slip wall. I don’t know how Spartan does it, but jeez Astroglide is expensive by the gallon.


Warped Wall

So I watched American Ninja and it totally and completely inspired me to get off my duff … and build a Warped Wall. Whaddya expect I’m an engineer. Jesus I am out of breath.


Skippity Doo Dah

Basic childhood skills, I won’t tell you the details till game day, but here’s a hint, Your team will have to do something for the same number of seconds it took you to finish something.


Suburpo (Lap 2 Only)

I like puzzles, you like puzzles, everybody likes puzzles. Some say ‘Why?’, some say ‘Why Not?’, I say ‘F*** it’. You better have some smarties on your team, cause somebody on your team has to do a burpee every 10 seconds until your team finishes the puzzle. The puzzle, well I’m still debating, but it’ll make you use your noggin a bit.


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